let yourself hear

My once quiet life as a hidden daughter of the Goddess seems to have imploded beneath my feet.
My calm beliefs that had basically led me no where and were not required to be a shining beacon have led me to this current path of discovery and play and knowledge and people with great wisdom coming into my life.

I think that the most important thing that I have learned so far is that you don't have to "believe" to be touched by the goddess or gods or spirits or whatever is trying to help you along.
You just have to stop for 5 seconds, quit analyzing and questioning and proving to yourself that it isn't so...just stop it.

And your intuition, the OTHER side of your brain (that we are trained not to use), your spirit, your soul, your natural connection to the universe ....will speak to you. Maybe in whispers, maybe in shouts, maybe in song, or pictures or a beautiful dream....but it will speak to you. Just be quiet and listen.

you have to let go for pathworking to work

I did a guided meditation a few evenings ago that gave me some good information.
I got to the point where sometimes I turn the meditation off and see what happens. Instead of the room that I usually visualize, there was a dark curtain that I couldn't see through or find a way around. I just waited, tried to keep my mind as clear and calm as possible and waited to see what would happen. Bast appeared again and told me to walk with her, away from the curtain. As we walked away hands reached out through the curtain, reaching for me. I asked her what was happening and she said that those were my fears...I have let them get so strong that they are controlling where I walk. I need to stop thinking about them and instead think about my goals and the good things about the work to reach these goals. We walked to a doorway and watched over a beautiful meadow for a while and then went back through the hallway, past the curtain with the hands, back up the stairs and to the end of the meditation.
Afterward I felt calm and focused and the next morning got a lot of things done that I have been putting off or obsessing over.

dithering and meditation

I have been dithering for days. Slowly working myself into the kind of panicky feeling that vibrates your entire body. Just life, accumulated problems, how things pile up, not enough sleep....all those things that try to gang up on us. I have not experienced this is a very long time.

Meditation practice keeps me grounded in a way that keeps unfounded disaster scenarios from playing over and over in my head. I used to live this way, a roller coaster ride of good and bad times....not over the edge, but sometimes unsettling. For many years now, walking this path has let me enjoy the good times and not get sucked into the bad. This time was very frustrating and I found myself questioning everything, my path, my practice....talk about letting that negative energy take over.

With some help from Ariel's meditations....love them....and a sudden awakening of a sense of the ridiculous, life is getting back on track.

I looked at people in the grocery store and watched faces that are stressed, worried, fearful, anxious, rude and wondered how many of them are just having a bad day and how many are living in that state.

Then I came home, sat down for a moment, lit some incense, lit a candle and gave heartfelt thanks to Goddess for kicking me in the ass some time ago.

meditating at work?

I have left the house for the last two days so frazzled that I'm surprised that people are not staring at my head spinning around on my shoulders.
Today while I was doing some mindless manual tasks at work I was listening to my iPod, head still spinning and I decided to listen to a guided meditation and see if that helped at all.
To my surprise I was able to listen to the meditation with about 90% of my focus, keep working and no one disturbed me for the length of the podcast...about 20 minutes.
Not only did it calm me down and let my fried brain recover, but I actually got into the journey. Not completely, but pretty well experiencing and enjoying it.


I may have mentioned that although I deal primarily with the Celtic deities, Bast has been knocking on the door every once in a while. I don't know what to do with her so I have been ignoring her. While I was doing this meditation, suddenly there she was, in the place of the spirit that was being described by the narrator. She was telling me that if I would just listen for once, she could tell me how to deal with my fears that are holding me back. It was a very strong and clear conversation, ok, more like an angry lecture, but it was awesome as well as instructive.

today...

The podcast 'Why Shamanism Now?' has renewed my commitment to pathworking and dispelled (at least for now) my frustration at the erratic pace.

I am going to miss the new moon circle with my new coven. I have only been participating with this group for a few months and was looking forward to this new moon. I will have to do something special for myself in ritual. I have started incorporating more new moon work into my routine than I used to.

My reports on my astrology class have moved to my Seeker blog. As soon as I can string two coherent sentences together I will write more. I am getting it, it is making sense, but it is still stuck in the intuitive part of my brain and only reluctantly letting the other half of my brain try to verbalize it. This is actually good because I am so analytical that things usually happen in the reverse. I am thrilled to have my intuition speaking up for once and telling the logical side to just shut up for a few minutes.

pathworking

If you are interested in pathworking or journeying I highly recommend a fairly new podcast...Why Shamanism Now? It is available on iTunes.

It started in January and has been a weekly show since. I have only listened to the first three shows but I am enjoying it quite a lot. If it continues to be good I think I will put a permanent link on this blog. I recommend that you start with the first show...each one builds on the last.

If you like the show, please let her know. I think we need more podcasts like this. The website is Last Mask Center for Shamanic Healing